Hey my people,

You know how they talk about chemo brain? When you're just a little bit off? When your windmill is missing a blade? Yeah, I have that, but chemo's not the culprit. I had it in kindergarten. At age 7 I took to eating my egg-on-toast balanced on the back of my hand. I had a lot of fails with that system, but I guess I wanted more suspense out of breakfast. In school I once went through fifth period before I realized my skirt was on inside out. To this day, I can say the wrong thing and be just as surprised as you when it pops out. It's just part of my makeup, like being left-handed. (Go #lefthandersday! Oh crap. That was yesterday.)

When I was a journalist, my editors knew that my stories would be gibberish until draft #3. I don't mean disorganized. I mean not in English.

This is why Twitter worries me. For you, it's a genius instant bond with the globe. For me, it's that place where it takes one millisecond to tell the universe that there's a leak in my oil pan.

I learn something every day though. #restingbitchface #humblebrag #princegeorge

See? A #twiddiot can up her game. Once upon a time, even rain was a learning curve.